In a world overcome with blaming and discrediting, Christians need to pause and ask how we contribute to divisive discourse. One subtle way that we disengage and cause further disunity is by developing “hot-topic” words or phrases that we dislike, and then implicitly, or even explicitly, dismissing someone’s message (or even dismissing them) when they use these terms.
A personal example that bleeds into my profession: as a counselor who works in multi-cultural settings, I have grown a bit tired of the global overuse (or misuse) of words like toxic, boundaries, lived experience, triggered, gaslighting, etc. I have noticed myself triggered (check the irony) the moment someone uses these phrases. It’s easy to discount or disconnect from someone when they use words or phrases that you find unhelpful, overused, misused, or unbiblical. Biblical counselors, I want to invite each of us into a “safe space” where we look in the mirror at our “lived experiences” with this (yes, I’m baiting you a bit here…but only because I love you guys, I’m one of you, and we are particularly guilty of this). This is how I’ve experienced it as a counselor, but I’m convinced it extends beyond my field and represents a larger cultural problem. Yet, recently, I sense the Holy Spirit nudging me to stay present, remain engaged, and listen for the deeper meaning. Often, there is real hurt, longing, and a cry for help beneath the very words I am tempted to dismiss.
When we tune out, we risk missing the substance of someone’s heart. Proverbs reminds us: “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5). Sadly, those of us who prefer spiritual language can overlook the opportunity to draw out another person’s heart simply because we dislike the semantics. We become more resolute to fix the language than to see the heart. May God forgive us for this.
This doesn’t mean that we blindly accept every idea or expression that comes our way. There will be times when we must lovingly challenge or confront the lies, misconceptions, or unhelpful/unbiblical thinking that hide behind certain phrases. But to do that faithfully, we must first listen well, seeking to understand before we correct (James 1:19).
Let’s take a moment to draw out the purpose or intentions in our own hearts:
- What words cause you to lose your heart to listen or subtly lose compassion for the speaker?
- Do you ever assume someone’s entire worldview based on one “buzzword” they use?
- Could your frustration with cultural terms be keeping you from seeing the deeper wound or longing underneath?
- Does your preference for biblical or spiritual language ever cause you to disconnect from people who don’t yet have that vocabulary?
- When you hear words you dislike, do you respond with curiosity or with immediate dismissal?
- Do you have compassion for brothers and sisters in Christ who use cultural words as they process their pain?
- Could pride in your own “better language” be blinding you to the very ministry opportunity God is putting in front of you?
- Is proving your point, being correct, or protecting your opinions ever more important than proclaiming the gospel to a hurting world?
If you answered yes to any of these, it may be time to repent of pride and ask God to grow your understanding. May He give us ears to hear the words spoken, but also the heart to draw out the intentions and purposes behind them while proclaiming the glorious gospel message.
Grace and peace,
Steph